MOAM (The Mother of all Meditations)

I never suspected the impact that meditation would have on my life.
I never thought that it was as scary and as beautiful as it ended up being.

I come from a very strong Celtic heritage, and to be honest, my family can be quite creepy when it comes to the "gut-feeling" department.  We have a tendency to call the stuff others can't really call. So, to me the idea that I have a genetic predisposition to this type of meta-physical stuff, is not that far-fetched.

In 2001 I had been meditating very heavily for around 1 year, but on and off for 2 years before that.  I had always had a huge interest in the subject of meditation, and just spent more time to other things that people my age did, so it didn't become very important until after I was 21 or so.  By that year, I was nearing the 1 hour threshold of meditation.  I had already reached a level of awareness that was kind of scary, but quite comfortable as well.  I had less anger, more relaxation, and a feeling of calm.  I was working on my physical aspects, and attempting to score a victory over my weight, and shed some pounds.  It was easier because meditation gave me the control and awareness needed to make good choices.

The month was September  and it was a Saturday   Nice day, as I remember, but getting chilly later in the evening.  I still had smoking as a habit, and I enjoyed a cigarette and a beer after a workout.  I had my friend Dustin living with me at the time.  His girlfriend was there and we were smoking in the carport.  I was siting next to my truck, and we were planning on when to go to the social security office.

They already knew about my "awareness" levels, which I will go into detail about in later posts.

For some reason I tend to "space out".  I always have, but it just got more frequent after meditation.  This time it was freaky.  I spaced out, and it was after a few minutes they asked, "John whats up dude?"

The answer? "Thousands are going to die in New York."

What I saw I never could explain by talking even to this day.  But, writing maybe.

Two rectangular objects, standing vertically.  They appeared to be scaled out or zoomed out with what felt to be people, but were more like "energetic" bubbles or flames.

In an instant, they were gone.  Not just that they disappeared, but more like the visual effect of a candle being "blown out".

We shrugged it off.  Just some imagination, that's what I told myself.

Two days later, I stood there at 8:00 AM Tuesday September 11th and watched what millions did.

From that day, I have not been able to enter a meditative state.

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Why I started this blog....

I started this blog because I have the sinking suspicion that I have kept myself from something that I like doing....Meditation.  I believe that after my last experience over 10 years ago, I have not been able to reach a meditative state.  The first major post will go in depth to the "MOAM" (mother of all meditations) that led me to a non-meditative life. Then I will go in-depth to my first 3 years of meditation, including the phases of "Awareness" that I reached with their descriptions.  

Why am I doing this?

Because I believe openly writing about what led me to not doing it, will change my subconscious mind, and allow me to do so again.

To be honest....I miss it.

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